


The Ground Awaits

by UselessLesbianLaughter



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, this is like... very slightly AU I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-12 03:10:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10480782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UselessLesbianLaughter/pseuds/UselessLesbianLaughter
Summary: It is the most ordinary of days when Erin Gilbert is making her way home. When she spots a figure on the top of the building she lives in, it might just transform her life forever, alongside saving the life of Jillian Holtzmann.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, I've been on kind of a hiatus but life has been absolutely crazy.   
> Anyways, here is the newest fic, hope ya enjoy!  
> Many thanks to anothercaffeinatedlesbian from Tumblr for beta reading this!  
> (TW for mentions of suicide and suicide attempts)

 It was the most ordinary of days and Erin Gilbert was making her way home. It was the first time for her to notice the figure on the top of the cornice of her apartment complex though. On closer examination it turned out the figure was not in fact a decoration but much rather a person, clinging to the wall of the building, with one arm stretched out to grope the edge of a window frame.

 Erin saw no use in calling out to the person as the building was quite high and she would likely just look crazy yelling in the middle of the street. With that she decided to get closer to the person, which would most likely entail climbing out of the same window the person had. _Lovely. Just what this day needed._

She stepped inside and quickly made her way to the elevator, tapping her finger against the wall anxiously when the doors took a while to open. Once they finally did the redhead stepped inside and pushed the button to her floor, the highest one, in a swift motion. She was all alone, so the echo of her tapping heel filled the space entirely.

 The doors opened on her floor and Erin rushed out. She had trouble locating the correct window at first but eventually found the one she thought right. She pushed its handle cautiously and slowly opened it. The cold wind hit her in the face as a sharp blade.

 Looking in both directions, she realized she had picked the wrong window after all. The person, a woman in her thirties, maybe twenties, blonde and chaotically dressed, was standing around ten feet to her right. Erin shut her eyes tight, and went through her breathing exercises once or twice. _Come on, Gilbert. You have to be calm right now, just get through this._

 Erin cautiously placed one foot on the cornice and almost pulled it right back when it wavered a bit. Instead she shook her head, took a deep breath and continued, grabbing the window frame with one hand.

 “Hey!” She called out to the blonde who she now recognized as a neighbor.

 “Uh… Hi.” The woman responded reluctantly.

 

 Erin had made her way out of the window and was now standing dangerously close to the edge. She carefully inched closer to the woman, avoiding looking down as if it was fire.

 

 “Sure is cold out here. Don’t you think it’d be nicer to enjoy the view inside?” Erin was doing her best to keep her voice from trembling. She wasn’t scared of heights per se but she had to admit this was quite a bit too much.

 “Oh, I’m just… just fine here. Thank you.” The blonde responded.

 “You sure about that?” Erin asked.  
 “Yeah, totes McGoats, yupparoonie, juuuust fine. I’m just thinking is all.”  
 “And what are you thinking about up here, if I may ask?” Erin insisted.

 “Ya know what; I’d actually rather you not ask.” The blonde was shivering and her voice was shaky yet it was obvious she was trying to maintain her cool.

 “Alright. Well, I’m Erin, Erin Gilbert, I’ve seen you around.”   
 “Well, I’m Jillian, Jillian Holtzmann. I have seen you around too, Erin Gilbert.”

 “So what exactly are you doing up here, Jillian?” Erin boldly questioned, biting into her tongue as soon as she had.

 “Call me Holtzmann. Everyone does.”   
 “Alright, Holtzmann. Now could you answer the question?”  
 “I just come up here to think sometimes. Each time a little closer to the edge. Sometimes I consider my flying abilities.” She laughed, a bit too loudly for it to sound unforced.

 

 Erin, not for the first time in her life but for the first time in a while, found herself at a loss of words. Somehow, she had a lot to say but no way of putting it into any language understandable to humans.

 

 “So… This is interesting. You come here often?” Holtzmann laughed desperately.

 “Sorry. I’m not very good in social situations. But I promise I’d be a lot better to talk to inside, or really just anywhere that isn’t on top of a really tall building.”  
 “Well, then I recommend you go inside and find someone to talk to because I don’t intend leaving this place in any direction that isn’t down.”

  
 “Alright, maybe if we just talked this out you could-” Erin was interrupted before she could finish.

 “No. I’m sorry but no. No, I couldn’t. I’m sorry you had to spot me on top of this building and it’s really nice of you to come up here but some people, including myself, really have no coulds _._ No amount of talking is going to fix the damage that makes up me as a person.” She laughed. “Sorry. I laugh when I’m nervous. And in serious situations, sometimes sad ones, too. Just one of my many flaws, ya know.” She added.

 

 “That’s okay. I do that, too, sometimes.” She shook her head, as if trying to physically shake off any and all mental distractions. “Look, I know life may be… shitty right now but it can’t possibly be bad enough to end it all. Aren’t you on some engineer position at some fancy college? I mean, that’s a pretty big thing, not many people get so far so young.”

  
 “This job isn’t all the prestige I make it out to be, Gilbert. Been on it for over ten years now. You know, I moved into this town and took that job because my parents kicked me out. I was offered plenty of more prestigious jobs, even back then but I took this one because it was the farthest away from them. I moved here with one thought on my mind, that I was going to leave in a few months, one or two years at most. I considered Europe, I considered England, I considered the other end of the fucking country, I considered so many places but I never dared to leave. I’ve been trapped in this life for so long. I can’t even remember the last time I was happy. Seriously, what the shit is still left for me here? It’s only rational to die.” Erin noticed a few stray tears rolling down Holtzmann’s cheek, having leaked out from under her yellow goggles.

 

 “There’s definitely something left. You could still go to all of those places. Besides, you’d definitely be missed. Don’t you have any loved ones, friends, a boyfriend-” Erin was cut off once more. To her surprise, the blonde actually laughed at that, as if she had just cracked the best joke in the world. When Holtzmann noticed that Erin was staring at her cackling in confusion she cleared her throat and shook her head.

 

 “Sorry. I just don’t really do that last one. Hi, Jillian Holtzmann, professional homosexual and disappointment to my goodie-good extremely religious parents. Yeah, seriously, why you think they kicked me out? Did have a girlfriend for a while though. She sure was fond of me being used to abuse. Heh, didn’t even have to make up excuses for the occasional bruises. Lab accidents, what a brilliant cover. Friends? Lost contact with most, no, all of them a few years ago. So, to summarize, my family hates me, out of the few romantic interests I have had in my life the last one turned out to be a bloody sadist, and I don’t have any friends left. So what were you saying about those loved ones again? God, why am I telling you all this anyways, you just happen to live in the same building.” She sighed and bit into her lip so hard it almost bled.

 

 “That is… That’s a lot. Lot of… heavy stuff. But things can get better. Look, I’m sorry all this has happened to you. But you’re not alone. A lot of people are going through the same thing as you are.” Keeping her voice steady was becoming a struggle for Erin as she was, in all honestly, longing to cry as well.

 

 “Great comfort. A lot of other people are miserable too, so hey, don’t kill yourself.” Holtzmann scoffed.

 “You misunderstood me. What I was trying to say was that a lot of people get through similar struggles successfully and you can, too. Look, I’m not a professional therapist and I have not lived a single day in your shoes so I can really never fully understand what you’re going through. But I can tell you that I have been here, too. Well, not literally here. My tall building was a tall bridge. I had the whole thing absolutely perfectly planned out. And, if I had been left alone, I probably would’ve gone through with it. But I wasn’t. An elderly man happened to walk by. He walked over to me and said those exact words:  
  
_“Hey kiddo. Bit windy for an evening walk isn’t it? But that’s not what you’re here for, is it?” He asked and I answered._

_“No.”  
  He nodded in response and sat down, back against the railing, behind which I was standing._

_“Before you make your choice, let’s talk.” He spoke with such calm and peace.  
 “There’s nothing to talk about.” I stubbornly insisted. _

_“Sure there is. We’re both alive, aren’t we?” He waited until I realized he was anticipating an answer._

_“We are.” I nodded._

_“Well, then there is plenty to talk about. There is always something to talk about for the living.” I could not see his face but somehow, in his voice I heard a sad smile._

_“In that case there is also the option of not talking.” I reasoned.  
 “Indeed. But when a piece of chocolate is placed in front of you, you also have the option to not eat it. Sometimes it is wiser to not eat the chocolate but it does good when you’re stressed out. What’s on your mind?” He asked me._

_“What do you care?” I was in the worst mood that day. Would it have been any other day I would’ve smiled, thanked him for asking and said a cliché line that would easily fit in an etiquette textbook._

_“Ah, but the human mind is infinitely curious, my dear child. That’s why we never stop asking questions, you, me, all of us. Are you really out of questions already?” He asked and I did not know what to say.  A part of me wanted to snap and insist that he shouldn’t call me a child. The other part wanted to reluctantly admit that no, I was not out of questions. So I said nothing._

_“You’re contemplating it now, asking yourself what to say. Soon, you’ll make the choice. You’ll never stop making choices either, not while you’re alive. If you jump off today, that will be the choice you made. If you live a great life, that will also be a choice you made. One day you will fall in love and you will say that it was not a choice. One day, on many days, even, you will feel great passion and insist it wasn’t a choice. But it all gets stuck behind this, your choice between life and death. You’re not a quitter, I can tell, otherwise you would’ve already be down there and not up here listening to me. You have the capability to do great things and answer great questions. Do you really wish to throw all that infinite potential into the sea?” When he finished talking my eyes had filled with tears._

_“No.” I spoke._

_“Well then…” He got up and reached out a hand for me. I held onto it tight, perhaps even too tight, and climbed over the rail. Once I was standing next to him he smiled at me._

_“You made the right decision today. Listen to me, my dear child. Never come back here again. I don’t mean the bridge; I don’t mean the place. In life you will meet the edge time and time again. But never, ever consider going over again. Because you have an infinite amount of questions buried inside your head and it is your duty to let them out.”_

_I thanked him; he nodded with another warm smile and walked away._

_I never saw him again in person. In fact, the first time that I saw him after the incident was in a newspaper, bit more than a year later. He had passed away, though not from old age. He’d been killed._

_My initial reaction was to run back to the same bridge, tears streaming down my face, ready to scream at the world for its injustice and drop myself into the sea._

_Once I was there thought, panting from the run, my feet hurting as I had come all the way barefoot, I had to take a moment and simply stare at life around me. In front of me lay the most gorgeous of sunsets and I swear I had never felt so alive in my life before._

_That was when I realized. If I died now, that would be the greatest disrespect to his memory I could possibly commit. He gave me back my life and somehow, without any words, I had sworn to keep it._

_From that day forward I have been fighting an endless battle for my life, every single day. I’ve gone to countless therapists and tried countless meds. In fact, I’m still fighting. And I’ve been asking all of the questions that came to mind, I have found the answers. The year was 1990 back then and I was 18. So many things have changed since then but I have never stopped asking questions._

_I never told that story to anyone._ Until today. I’m sorry for rambling, I suppose. But I hope you understood what I meant.” Erin had been too caught up in reminiscing to notice Jillian’s cheeks were soaked with tears.

 

 The engineer didn’t say a word; she simply reached out a hand for Erin. And Erin held onto it tight, perhaps even too tight. Holtzmann took a few cautious steps towards the physicist. On the fourth step, her foot slipped off and she yelped, likely loudly enough for the whole town to hear.

 

 “I got you!” Erin assured as she pulled the blonde back, who was now wide-eyed and breathing heavily.

 “I got you.” She repeated.

 

 Somehow they made it to the window and through it. Once they were inside and had both regained the ability to breathe, Holtzmann flung her arms around the redhead and they stayed in that embrace for a long time.

 

 

 “Wanna come over and have a little chat? I’m not much of a cook but I can order delivery.” Erin offered. Holtzmann accepted the invite with gratitude sparkling in her eyes.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feed the feedback vampire, she is begging you lol  
> Seriously though, comments and feedback in general matter so much so thanks in advance for leaving them~


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